Part of recovery is relapse, I dust myself off and move forward again.
These days I feel like I am about to explode because of the thoughts that wander in my mind. Some I hold on to, some gets missing while some finds it way back to me. I haven’t written in the past one year except for the month of February where I wrote about the love of God in my life and the in-depth meaning of my name: Oluwanifemi (God Loves Me). I have been lost, but I have found my way again.
If I don’t write, I cannot blog, and if I don’t do any of these, it means that something is wrong with me. It means I am lost, or rather my fear is bigger than my writing. I am sort of a perfectionist, someone that’s always thinking about perfecting everything. I work myself and walk on myself; disappointment makes me relapse, but I like that I still always find a way to get back up. My mood, hurt, guilt, faith, family, friendship, writing, blog and academics are all intertwined. The love I give comes from my pain, but now, I am growing! I am learning! I am becoming! I am healing! I am being initiated into adulthood. I learning to hold on when my hands are too weak to be firm. I learning to take risks that I am prepared to pay for. I am learning to cry, feel and love myself. I learning to sieve my past and forge ahead, to understand that sometimes happiness will bloom and sadness will gloom, but it’s what makes us stronger to keep riding on to the road of recovery. I hope I do right by my readers this time, to share a part of my world with you, and also grasp from your yours.
Have you started your journey to self recovery?