How do you get over the loss of a loved one?


“Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here’s what really happens: the space between the times you miss them grow longer. Then when you remember to miss them again, it’s still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it’s been too long since you missed them last”-Kristin O’ Donnel Tubb

The annoying truth about death is that it comes unannounced with a broken wound. I often say this; those who are damaged by death are not the dead themselves, but the living. The ones left behind to grieve, regret and undergo change.

Over time, I have realised that most people don’t completely get over loss, and the process of getting over loss is- one day at a time. I have a friend who lost his dad ten years ago, and up till now he still writes about his father and describes his setback like it all happened yesterday. I asked why- it was the best way he could come to terms with his sanity. To understand that moving on doesn’t necessarily mean letting go.

People process grief differently and I‘d like to briefly share “THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. It’s a collation of five common experiences for the bereaved that can occur in any order, if at all.

  1. Denial– the process of disconnecting with reality often accompanied with shock and disbelieve.
  2. Anger– after denial, pain evolves with frustration. Individual responses could be: “Why me?”, “Who is to blame?” It’s not fair”
  3. Bargaining– it involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief.
  4. Depression– in this fourth stage, there’s withdrawal from various activities, friends, family, and life itself. The mourning process begins.
  5. Acceptance: it’s going to be okay! ‘M at peace with what happened. The individual embraces the inevitable or mortality future or that of a loved one or other tragic events.

I don’t know what you are going through or have gone through, but here’s a list I made about coping with grief from personal experience.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship”- Mitch Albom

  1. Don’t try to forget them; it only complicates the situation. Rather, undergo the acceptance stage and embrace their departure. Once in a while try to remember them because as years go by, they faintly disappear with time. One may begin to lose touch with the image of their faces and probably other little things.
  2. Talk about them- about all your experiences with them when they were alive with family and friends.
  3. Cry- you are allowed!!! Pray!! and Live one day at a time
  4. Build relationships, Find a hobby and Develop yourself
  5. Create your own happiness and Embrace pain- find strength in it and you would become stronger.
  6. Overcome the thought of death.

Question– how have you struggled to get over the loss of a loved one?

Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a comment. I always reply!

Don’t forget to get in touch with me on all social platforms @thenifeminist


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Liz C. says:

    Hi. It so happens that I just recently posted about loss which answers your question about the experience. You can check it out here:

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Grace Gigi says:

    I wish I knew or had the answers but I dont. I am still dealing with the loss of my bestfriend Brian and it hurts.
    Dealing With Loss

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Take heart😺…I hate the fact that the pain would always stay in one’s heart forever


  3. Adaugo says:

    There really is no sure fire way of getting over the death of a loved one…I think you said it all. Time helps a little, but some days, you remember your loss and in that moment you feel that pain in overwhelming tides all over again…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      True…there’s no total healing…there always comes time wen the loss takes over

      Liked by 1 person

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