When will ‘Broken’ African women stop taking solace in the grave?

My main issue with the church right now, if you believe in immortal souls then why is marriage...till death do us part?: Igor Lukyanov - illustrator, artist and graphic designer:

  • Igor Lukyanov – illustrator, artist and graphic designer: Weeping Mother & Child

“If we are to fight discrimination and injustice against women we must start from the home for if a woman cannot be safe in her own house then she cannot be expected to feel safe anywhere.”
Aysha Taryam

          There’s so much pain in loosing a mother. Death is like a dream one keeps waking to- trying to figure out every passing day how it all happened or when it did. And yet I bit myself so hard when I see a lot of women still holding on to a Broken Marriage. Someone once told me that when one’s husband keeps mistreating one, one should keep praying for him. But I ‘d say to hell with that- will religion take care of one? When all is done, regret,  pain and undone years is the price those poor lonely children pay for the actions we women failed to take a long time.

          I see a lot of guys around me who gladly open their mouth to say that they won’t let their wives work, if you look at it at a shallow level, you’d say good man. Hell hell… That’s the beginning of oppression. The beginning of silence. I feel that when a man makes a woman a housewife, he takes away her freedom-to self expression. And when  a power drunken man begins to act mad, the voiceless woman becomes an object- a weak one , broken and fragile that she keeps staying not because she wants to or enjoys it, but because she has no where to go or nothing to hold on to and then she keeps clinging on to the wings of her children and uses them as a  reason for accepting all forms of pain till one day she’s stiff and cold-absent minded like a staring shadow waiting to be recognized.
I ‘d stop here for today. what’s your view?

I hope you all understand the Images?
Seriously why do women stay in a broken marriage? 😕 to fix what is broken?😑

33 Comments Add yours

  1. calebspen says:

    Nice post but I have a question. Are you saying as a woman when your marriage gets broken you should leave? To me no because if you plant this seed that once your marriage is experiencing a fault divorce is the best option then that would be the order of the day. So what then is marriage if it’s not to help your partner in places of weakness and to take him to God when you can’t deal with it physical? Women should stay in there marriage and try every possible best to make things work out. About the house wife issue it should be an agreement between both parties. Stay by your husband and it would get good but no one would if a court ruling would do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thanks for commenting😊…When I mean broken…I mean beyond repairing..one would know when a marriage attains dat mode. Does it mean dat when violence takes ova a marriage one should still stay in such marriage and look up to God. I feel dat one can stay outside d marriage and still pray. Besides sm men dnt change…real fact😆

      Like

      1. calebspen says:

        Rome wasn’t built in a day so also no marriage was done immediately. As a woman you would have noticed such and if you went ahead to marry him it means you can deal with such. So instead of treatment why don’t we go about prevention. Some men need mental institutions though.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oluwanifemi says:

        Good point…women are also part of d problem…especially doz pressured to find a husband as a result of der approaching ages. In a quest to find a man, dy overlook detailing signs and begin to suffer ryt afta

        Like

      3. calebspen says:

        Lol ikr I wonder why African women get so tensed when they are reaching there late 20s. Oh well I’m glad we could agree on something. Nice things you have going on here.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oluwanifemi says:

        Lolz😆😭😭…it’s African Mentality ooo…get married you are gtn old😭…thnks for sharing ur thoughts☺

        Liked by 1 person

      5. calebspen says:

        Lol Thanks for listening

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Gbemi says:

        I agree with you, you can never gather a broken egg… if it’s not working out, please leave

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Oluwanifemi says:

        Thanks Gbemi 💜💜

        Like

  2. evanyambu says:

    i also cannot fathom why they stay. Many say its because of the kids, fear of society ridicule and others say it’s love. I prefer walking away than bearing the torture and dying out of it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thank u!! Same here…wouldn’t life be fair if I could still take care of my children from a far end rada dan denying dem d existence of a moda… thnkz for commenting

      Liked by 1 person

      1. evanyambu says:

        yes custody all the way. you are welcome

        Liked by 1 person

  3. adetutu says:

    The beginning of the problem is from the relationship. The man definitely would have been showing these traits as one cannot hide smoke in a house. Another thing is women stay in such marriages because they already have children and they feel no one can accept them with their children . There is also something called being blinded by emotions ‘he loves me, even though he hits me all the time, I know he loves me.’ such women are the types to receive beating in the morning and get compensations in the evening when the men return. I don’t understand why women stay in such marriages even when it is killing them inside even to the point where it is taking its toll on the physical. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. That’s why one shouldn’t rush into marriage. Take your time, know this person before going ahead. That is why i would forever love Aissatou in So Long A Letter by Mariama Ba. She saw that staying in such marriage would kill her, she packed her things and her children and did much better for herself. She accomplished more than she ever did while with her husband. Women shouldn’t mistake such maltreatment for tough love.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thank u Tutu. I agree with u…dats y So long a letter wld always be on my top list of African books.

      Like

  4. AyomideOmole says:

    Oluwanifemi! Insightful thinking! One thing impresses me whenever I read your posts! You’re basically one of the few people I know who never look at stuff from the surface. The Upside-down mentality.
    Independent women are basically a man’s greatest threat! This has always been the case. ‘I don’t want my wife to work.’ is basically an indirect expression of ‘I don’t want this woman liberated’. It’s easier to make someone do your bidding when virtually all the money she gets comes from you. So it’s easier to cage a woman and ensure she never leaves by just making her a housewife. But hey most men really don’t even do this intentionally. It’s more like our natural ‘animalistic’ nature to always want to mark our territories and exert dominance . Awesome Stuff Oluwanifemi. (My namesake is smart 😊)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That last statement is just the truth.(dominance and marking territories)
      For the unintentional bit, I’m afraid I have to disagree with you. Every adult should be able to guard their actions.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. AyomideOmole says:

        Well it depends on how you look at it. But there are actually involuntary actions. Things we have no control over. And I think the need for a man to be the dominant element in a marriage is one of them.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. @Ayomide I get what you mean. Even if it’s an involuntary action, the man’s action after should be able to justify whatever he did.
        For the dominance bit, a man constantly wanting to exercise power over a woman every time when they are married, looks more of an insecure man because he is afraid to loose his place as the head of the house to the lady. In most cases ,the lady might not even have such motives .

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Oluwanifemi says:

      Lolz “the upside down mentality” …thankz name sake😆😆😆

      Liked by 1 person

      1. AyomideOmole says:

        You’re most welcome.
        😊😊😊😊😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Nice write up.its just sad that if the lady decides to leave the society shames her.
    I still don’t understand why anyone will risk her life in a depressing and violating R/ship now.
    I’m happy that this issue is now adressed everywhere

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Dats y sterotypes is still one of d problems d society is dealing wif

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Fijay says:

    I personally feel that marriage should be about ‘partnership’ …2 equal partners pulling together ….when the going gets tough …yep you should ride it out …lean on each other and pull thro …BUT if a relationship becomes abusive …an exercise of power, control AND worse …then there comes a time when a line needs to be drawn. It takes 2 to have a relationship …it also takes 2 to acknowledge and work thro the difficulties ….it’s no easy thing to seperate and divorce ….particularly where children are concerned …but if the atmosphere in the home has become toxic with no signs of movement …it might just be better for all concerned to make the break:)
    And yes …I speak from personal experience

    Thanks for the follow which has guided me to your blog …..very interesting topics:) …..it’s a mutual ….I look foreward to reading more of your posts:)

    Like

  7. calebspen says:

    Nominated you for an award

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Awwwwn…thanks a lot 😊😊

      Like

  8. bg says:

    Bad advice from their mothers, a false belief that their children are better off if they stay in a broken marriage. Bad advice from religious leaders. I’m not been harsh, I live in a counntry with high domestic violence and it’s what I’ve sadly observed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      That’s true…👏👏👏 thanks for commenting

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ediyefunk says:

    I stopped judging women who stay in failed marriages because every case is different and they alone know what shoe hurts. Personally, I don’t believe a woman should stay with a man when he lifts his hand even just once. Worse if kids are involved because they will grow up thinking this life they know is the only kind. This is why I am quick to blame parents when kids misbehave because if parents don’t train their kids properly, who will? Esp in countries where kids have opinions.(which isn’t entirely a bad thing because hey, we don’t want “bulliable” kids)but if you cannot get respect from your husband, why should your kids who see him degrade you feel the need to give you any form of respect?
    A man dares raise his hands on you and you accept him after? Why? Are you retarded? I grew up in Nigeria where men are more important than women and women are told/expected not to leave their husbands regardless of how bad the molestation is and this is something I would never ever understand. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife as long as it is the woman’s decision. As a housewife myself I can say it is not by choice….try applying for a thousand and one jobs in one week and wait months for a response and tell me how that feels.
    Women like to claim they stay for their kids….big fat lie. You are selfish is all. Staying for the kids is doing more harm than good.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Good point…thanks for commenting…there are a lot wrong with gender issues-it gives one headache every passing day

      Like

  10. I blame the society we live in for abusive relationships, now i recognize that there are other factors that contribute to such relationships too but society has made men to believe that women are trophies that they earn, the more you earn,.the more successful you are and women have been raised to believe that if they do not have a man they are incomplete or they are probably abnormal and when they do have a man they have to be submissive and respect him and be with him no matter what. Women go into relationships with this ideology and more often than not it leads to their own destruction. If we taught the men what we teach the women, maybe relationships will be easier and less women will lose their lives to domestic abuse. I could go on and on about this but the main point is we need to start teaching our women that having a man does not complete you and its okay for you to walk out of a harmful relationship, and also teach men that women are more than just conquests and should be loved and respected. Relationships should be about partnership and not slavery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thank u…unfortunately most relationships iz now modern slavery

      Like

  11. Jubilee says:

    Lovely post. I think women who still stay in such marriage do it because of the sicological effect it will have on their children so they try to avoid it and remain in the marriage also shame and trauma they would pass through…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Hmmm…stay alive for your children… thanks deae for commenting

      Liked by 1 person

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