Are Feminists willing to pay the Gender price?

“Gender is not an easy conversation to have. It makes people uncomfortable, sometimes even irritable. Both men and women are resistant to talk about gender, or are quick to dismiss the problems of gender. Because thinking of changing the status quo is always uncomfortable.”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

          Before I dive into this question,  I ‘d really love to express my view on Feminism. I am a Feminist to the core, and I believe in Gender Equality. The literature’s of Chimamanda Adichie, Alice walker, Amma Darko, Maya Angelou, Mariama Ba and the likes of others have really made me focused on catering for Women affairs. I believe that irrespective of every gender, we all need to be treated fairly.

If you ‘ve read my previous post on “Gender Equality-The only way forward”…I mentioned earlier that the basis of my whole discussion is on a conversation in which I learned a lot on the issue of gender problems.

One of which is addressing and upholding the gender equality agenda on the part of most feminist. I was asked this question…If a woman hits a man, what’s should be the appropriate response? I said you should hit her back…it’s a two way thing. Then they began to laugh- You know why? Because many women wouldn’t agree with my view because many feminist would rather allow the matter to go astray and tell  the guy to cool off or protest if the the guy responds back. And then I asked myself this…How many women (feminist) are willingly to pay for the bill on a date with a guy? Seriously, only a few women would actually do that. The question is would I actually pay for it? To be very honest, I would hesitate to pay with the mind set that the guy should actually stop me and then pay…if he doesn’t I ‘d consider him stingy.

           Why should I wait for him to pay for my bills if I tag myself a Feminist who believes in gender equality. If the principle of gender equality were to be carried out, I should be the one paying for my bills, but a lot of women would disagree because “he is the man, and why shouldn’t he pay”. I still have a lot of things to talk about, but I ‘d stop here   for today.
Feel free to leave your questions and comments

59 Comments Add yours

  1. AyomideOmole says:

    Profound point of view! I totally agree with you! Most people who always claim to be feminists still don’t even understand the whole concept! Equality would change the way the whole society operates and if you ask me, most members of the female gender are not even ready for this. So please if you’re not ready to do stuff men do like paying bills on dates, then you shouldn’t rant about gender inequality! That’ll just be wrong. Amazing work! 🙌👏👏

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      👏👏👏👍good point…this contemporary concept of feminism is taking a fast diverse change on to something that’s unrecognizable. Women are now using twisting the concept of feminism for their own personal agenda.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. AyomideOmole says:

        Exactly! They just embrace it when it seemingly favours them, like when they talk about violence against women, job classifications based on gender, and whether or not female presidents are a good idea. But when it has to do with paying the bills, they’ll start giving crappy excuses. I just believe women are a important part of society but I don’t think all women are ready to be seen as equal.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oluwanifemi says:

        True, at the same time, I strongly believe we need it in aspects like domestic violence and some aspect of culture.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. AyomideOmole says:

        Sureeee. But be ready for the full package hey! If we go out for lunch, you’re paying! 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oluwanifemi says:

        Hahahaha😂😂😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Judith ~ Praise says:

    This is very deep indeed. There is more to feminism than meets the eyes. 👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      That’s true…Feminism is just too wide with many poking spikes

      Liked by 1 person

  3. calebspen says:

    I feel Gender equality is just a term used by females to get away with what they do and not taking into consideration what they are actually walking into. A man pays the fees so if we are equal a woman should also, a man approaches a lady first but if we are equal any one can walk up to anybody. So you see females only talk about equality when fighting domestic violence and getting jobs while they forget the little things that count.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Wow!!! Seriously u ‘v made a lot of points…and ‘m laughing hard because u said the truth.

      Like

      1. calebspen says:

        Lol ikr ….so let’s pick gender equality (if the females can deal) or let things be as they are

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oluwanifemi says:

        True👏👏👏thnkz for sharing ur views

        Like

      3. calebspen says:

        Thanks for listening (or reading ) ✌✌✌✌✌

        Liked by 1 person

  4. D'Dream says:

    Most ladies who scream feminist at every opportunity have a faint idea of what it entails. just like any idea there is bound to people who goes to the extremes. I am all for feminism which should be restricted to job placement, promotion, sexual and domestic violence et al. however are they willing to accept and go the full haul?! No more my money is my money, my husband money is our money slogan. If yes then both should pay their bills separately whenever they are on a date, no more whining about your hubby not opening the door for you, there should be no more frustration about having pay your own bill all the time, you should not expect help when you go shopping in carrying the heavy bulk, you ought to change the car tire when your car tire go flat on a busy road – sweat it out and many more others duties being classified as men’s duties.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      lolz…I actually agree. but to be precise now, most women do not even identify or label themselves as feminist are actually playing all these roles you’ve specified. I think the set of women who hide under that “umbrella”. You are right, we need feminism more in many aspects like domestic violence, girl education and so on. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it. 🙂 .

      Like

    2. My husband money is our money😃😃😃.
      Yes it is , we are married, mine is also his. We still have our private accts but that doesn’t mean he should spend it anyhow 😃😃.
      Tbh, I feel helping someone to carry a bulky thing is helping, it’s not a big deal. If you’ve got less stuffs. Some ladies could change their car tyres, if they pay more attention to it.
      Again, I don’t see this as part of feminism

      Liked by 2 people

      1. D'Dream says:

        okay. if you say so even though i do not agree.
        If feminists wants to be taken more seriously, let them go the whole yard

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Interesting take here. If a woman hit a man what should he do? I ask, why is she even hitting him in the first place? Respect is a two way thing, feminism or not.
    Women know that they are the weaker sex and even the Bible instructs men to be loving and gentle with their wives seeing they are of the weaker sex. Of course the words in the Bible are slightly different from my statements but with a similar meaning.
    Man is equally instructed in the Bible to be the provider. So whether or not this woman is a feminist at the back of her mind she knows she is of the weaker sex and equally expects the man to provide.
    If you are taking me out on a first date please pay the bill. I can offer to pay some of the other bills for future dates. Feminism is starting to make some men lazy. They want women to do what were their initial duties as men to do and all because women have been so preoccupied with proving how they can manage on their own.
    If you are trying to impress me show me that as a man you are equally a provider. However my willingness to pay for our other dates as a woman should not be taken as your cue to slacken. Women may scream on rooftops about how much feminists they are but men should not forget their duty to provide for and protect their women.
    Thats all women need. To feel protected and catered for. Its the cure to some forceful forms of feminism.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thank you for sharing this wonderful thought, I laughed all through…you have exposed me and possibly others to the fact that “Feminism is starting to make some men lazy” , and have also created a balance between the roles to be played.

      Like

    2. Nice comment.
      I have always had a problem with women being referred to as weaker sex, bc it is mostly used in the wrong context.
      I don’t ever use it bc in our society it refers to being emotional etc.
      Lol@feminism is making some men lazy.
      I’m not a feminist but I’ve got really strong views about it.
      Most feminists are fighting stereotypes in the society regarding politics,jobs etc not really bills. Anyone can do the bills though….just my thought.
      As for first date, I don’t understand how a guy will call me from my house and expect me to pay for the dinner I was invited to. Abeg if you no get money, why were you disturbing my life…Mtchewww 😃😃
      If the guy starts acting petty, I will pay for the meal bc I hate immature ppl and unnecessary drama

      Liked by 1 person

  6. evanyambu says:

    Ngozi Chimamanda is my all time fav African author. Her works just inspire me. On women paying bills ooh yea why not. If i love my man enough why not pay the bill like a treat. Why should he be the one to always do everything? What am i supposed to do to show i love him? Sex, cook for him, wash his laundry, give him babies and thats that!I think we should also once in a time do what they do for us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Same here, I love Chimamanda…Hahahaha…only good men deserved everything you ‘ve listed :)..Thanks for commenting

      Like

  7. gleekychic16 says:

    Wow, this is very deep. I love how you shed more light on the subject of feminism. I know some might not agree with your opinion but you made your point. Lovely piece, I look forward to reading more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thank- you, I really appreciate your comment.

      Like

  8. blessalife says:

    The Bible did not Instruct any man to be the ones only paying the bills, it only encourages them to take the first step in marriage. Sooo please @definitelyLorna don’t mix it up.
    As a woman, whether a feminist or not you should be hardworking and self reliant so you can pay your bills yourself even on the first date.
    Also, feminism does not only entail loooking out for yourself only, it includes helping other women. Other women that have fallen into traps needs the support of women like us who have the accurate view of feminism.
    @Oluwanifemi you’ve done a great job by writing on this. Other women have to know that it is very bad to eat on men unnecessarily.
    Even when they have the money/means they still insist that the man pays for everything. And if he does this she has given him the liberty to treat her anyhow.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. @blessalife I did not state that men shall pay all the bills. I believe I’m entitled to my own opinion just as you are. Let us respect that.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I will have to disagree with your last statement.
      Good comment
      Even if the man pays for everything, I don’t think that gives him the liberty to treat the lady anyhow. “A good man will still respect the lady”. I’m not in support of lady being stingy with their money.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. blessalife says:

    Also, as a woman you should stop being stingy. Pay for your meals or anything. If we want a gender equal society it is supposed to touch every area especially the financial area not only the domestic violence area.
    You don’t have to be a burden to a man. Feminism is all about independence also, and we can only achieve the gender equality if all men and women stop this societal gender stereotype.
    It is gender stereotype that says only the man should foot the bills, and this is wrong. Because it is not the man who consumed two plates of food or will use all the things she bought.
    These are the things men are sensitive to and it makes it difgicult for them to understand women or hate the idea of feminism.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Hmmmm…good point…thnkz for commenting

      Like

  10. Emem says:

    Very true. We should learn to be independent so we won’t be a burden to our partners. If you let a man do a lot of things like paying bills he will think he has the right to your life. Even if he doesn’t you will feel indebted to him and when this happens he will demand for things that he wouldn’t have. And you will just feel too indebted to say no. We should learn to be independent, it’s called self respect so that no man will say he gave u shit.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Besty…yess! we owe men nothing.

      Like

  11. funkeolotu says:

    OMG!!! Because I have been wanting to write on this topic after a discussion I had with an IT guy I work with. He is all for feminism, BTW, PROUD FEMINIST, you already know.
    And when we talked about feminism he said women are not ready for gender equality.
    Because it will take away some privileges, if am on a date, I love to pay my bills, maybe cause am a feminist or because am just proud and I need any one am with to know that I can handle my shii.
    Truly gender equality will take away some privileges but I say.
    I’ll rather not have those and be treated equally.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      👏👏👏 true…same here …nothing good comes easy.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Blessing says:

    Nice write up.
    Feminism is a very broad topic and equality is something that will take forever to achieve.
    I noticed you adressed one bit of it,which is being independent.(I feel independence is more personal. being dependent doesnt make you less of a feminist)
    I think most times when people refer to equality they mean double checking those laws that actually favour men and victimise women. There are so many examples , will just give an example here; a women dressing a certain way to avoid being seen as seductive or over- sexualised.
    Another example is the discussion I had with a friend about having a female president. His opinions were sexist, I find it really strange that you can’t have a decent discussion with some african males without it turning sexist😒😒.
    It’s just what the society makes it look like mostly from stereotypes and it’s also use to boost men’s ego.
    I’m happy that ladies are now speaking up for themselves with regards to domestic violence
    I also noticed that people are concentrating more on bills and stuffs around our home ; there is more to feminism than that.
    As I said earlier, it’s a very broad topic.You analyse it the way you understand .
    *Sorry I digressed from the post, but it’s sti on the topic anyways 😄😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      You really made a good point here…like I always say too, there’s more to feminism…seriously..thank u…if not all, most African men are sexist and this is one of the issues slowing down the progress of feminism. I think its as a result of culture orientation. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think the way forward is to tell our male children some things the society pay less attention to is not okay.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oluwanifemi says:

        👏👏👏good point…lyk Chimamanda would say ‘lets begin to teach our boys…’

        Like

  13. My comment isn’t showing on the blog

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      This comment is visible…may be u should try resending it

      Like

    2. Oluwanifemi says:

      I think I have seen your comment now…thanks for stopping by

      Like

      1. I had to type again…lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oluwanifemi says:

        Sorry about that…Your previous comments are now visible on d blog…my apologies

        Liked by 1 person

  14. I had commented before but it’s not on the blog.
    Feminism is a very broad topic and equality is something that will take a longer time to achieve.
    I see that you’ve adressed one aspect of feminism which is being independent.i think independence is more of a personal thing, being dependent doesn’t make one less feminist.
    I’m also happy that people have adressed domestic violence in the comments and women are standing up for their rights now.
    I think when people talk about equality they mean those laws that favour men but victimise women. An example is a woman dressing a certain way to avoid being seen as seductive or over sexualised.
    Another example is when I had a discussion with a male friend about having a female president, his opinions were sexist .its so sad that you can’t have a decent conversation with african men/men in general without it becoming sexist. How can we achieve equality when some people are really myopic in their thoughts?
    In cases like this, I blame the society for the stereotypes and I also think this is also used to boost men’s ego.
    I noticed that most comments are centred on the things around the home, there is more to feminism than that.
    As I said earlier, feminism is a broad topic and its analysis is based on individuals.
    Tbh some feminist views are biased 👎while some are very valid👍
    Sorry, I digressed from the post but it’s still on the topic anyways😄😄😄

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Well, I am not a feminist but really some women do wanna pay their own bills and some r presently doing that. . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t take paying your own bills as feminism.
      I think is just what you have to do. If you are living in the house alone, it’s ok to pay your bills , even if you are living with your boyfriend, you could still split the bills, or pay it if you earn more than him/ if you want to. I feel this is pretty normal and is based on individual.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you!!!!!! I think the concept of feminism is individualistic and now possesses a distorted meaning

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oluwanifemi says:

        That’ so true

        Liked by 1 person

  16. avinamdar says:

    Wonderful post, there is so much to gender equality yet to be realized by both men and women. We all need to take off our tinted glasses which differentiate between what only a man or woman is supposed to do. Only then we will really be able to see each other truly as equals. You have great blog, Cheers 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thank u foe stopping by 😊…I really appreciate it…ur blog is also great

      Liked by 1 person

  17. courtalex95 says:

    In complete agreement with this. We discussed this in one of my classes when discussing if a military draft were to occur.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thnkz for stopping by 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Oyedele Adejoke says:

    I totally agree with Ayomide omole, most ladies always claim they are feminist but don’t know what is all about. They want gender equality but they can not fight for their right.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thanks for commenting Joke, that’s true…all these women just put it on paper

      Like

  19. Hi Oluwanifemi. I agree equal rights and pay and whatever. Thank you for liking my poems “Crashed! Accident! The Queue! and Devil Black Dog!” Peace and Best Wishes. The Foureyed Poet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oluwanifemi says:

      Thanks for your comment…you are welcome

      Like

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    Like

  21. Amy says:

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    Like

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